You can make good connections!

Would you like to establish instant rapport? Firstly, here’s what I learned about rapport in my NLP Practitioner training. Rapport is when the people you talk to accept your suggestions unquestioningly.

So, how much would learning about establishing instant rapport be relevant to you?

I subscribe to Jamie Smart’s NLP coaching tip, which I find extremely helpful for me as I continue to view the world through my new eyes. I extract the tip and do continue reading to find out more. See you again before the end of this post, after you finish reading his tip.


How to establish instant rapport through language
From Jamie Smart, Director of Training (May 31, 2007)

…Several years ago, I was doing some executive coaching for a large multinational, & I was due to meet with the sales director & one of his managers. I stopped by to have a word with the manager prior to the meeting, who warned me not to mention the sales figures. He explained that the numbers had been very low; that the director had been in a bad mood all day, & would go mad if I mentioned the figures.

When the manager & I walked into the director’s office, the first words out of my mouth were “Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this month.” The manager cringed, waiting for the inevitable explosion, but the director just laughed, shook my hand & said “Yeah, but it’s time to move on.” We immediately got down to business& had a successful meeting, with no further mention of the dreaded sales number.

Meet them at their map of the world

You begin to establish rapport when you meet someone at their ‘map of the world’. As humans, we have a natural tendency to get “in-sync” with one another over time, but it’s possible to speed the process up dramatically.

Our brains contain “mirror neurons” that help us understand how another person is feeling, make predictions about what they’re going to do next, & learn through imitation. We can use our neural heritage to make guesses about what the other person is thinking & feeling.

Next time you have a chat or meet with a person, ask yourself “What’s it like to be them right now?” Make a guess about what the other person is thinking & feeling. If appropriate, acknowledge it in your language. The statement you make can range from the specific to the general.

For instance:
. In the case of the sales director, where I had specific information about his likely focus of attention, saying “Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this month” was a very specific way of saying to him “I understand what you’re feeling”.

· To a policeman I was chatting to in Dublin last weekend who said that he thought NLP was a load of nonsense, I said “When people are sceptical about this stuff, I usually tell them that they’re right to be sceptical. After all, until you’ve experienced just how powerful this can be for you in your own life, why would you have any reason to be otherwise?” Suddenly he became curious & asked to see the cards I was showing someone else. (If you recognise this sentence from a previous tip, it’s because I’ve started to use this as a ‘stock response’ whenever someone expresses scepticism about NLP.)

· In the case of a group of 500 teenagers I spoke to last year, I said “Hi guys. It’s Monday morning, and we’re all here at assembly, and you’ve all come here for a reason, so as you sit here listening to me, you may be wondering ‘What has this guy got to say that’s going to be interesting & valuable to me & my life?’ The majority of the group immediately became attentive & engaged.

It’s worth noticing something about my actions in these three situations:

· In the case of the sales director, my statement was based on information received a few minutes earlier.

· In the case of the teenagers, I planned it out the day before the talk.

· In the case of the policeman, I responded in the moment to what he said (but I did use a stock phrase).

Prepare some ‘stock responses’ for situations that crop up regularly in your life.
Taking a few minutes to do this today can massively increase your speed & effectiveness in connecting with people.

Notice the response you get.
Of course! Whatever you do or say, notice the responses you get. People always respond, & when you’re focusing your attention on them, you can get valuable information about the impact you’re having.

Next time, we’ll be looking at some other ways to get the kind of powerful rapport that paves the way for powerful coaching interactions (& powerful interactions of all sorts).

I’ll also be unveiling a powerful new resources for people who want better coaching skills (I’m really excited about this one, & it’s taking all my willpower not to tell you all about it this week!)

Have lots of fun connecting with people.

Best wishes


Jamie Smart
director of training
So guys, what do you think?

If you have questions you want to ask about NLP, drop me a mail. If you want to find out where you can learn NLP and become a certified practitioner, get in touch with Carsten by clicking here. This is the center where I successfully completed my Certification in NLP, Timeline Therapy, Hypnotherapy and Certified NLP Coach programs that I had started studying in middle of March this year. Carsten also conducts 2-hour previews about the NLP certified practitioner program where you can see what’s in the training program. You can find out more about these previews on his website too. If you want to go and would like me to meet you there, get in touch with me to discuss schedules.

Now, if you like Jamie’s tip I featured today and wish to learn more, subscribe to Jamie’s tips by clicking on

In the meantime, ENJOY MAKING GOOD CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE! I’m grateful to have learnt this myself.


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